When I feel hurt in response to what someone else has said or done, I find myself closing my heart and relating to the other in a harsh manner. I get so stuck in my pain sometimes that I forget others also experience pain.
I’m known to be a bit heartless in my reactions to people after their actions have triggered hurt inside of me. Why I do this, I am not exactly sure, but I know a part of me wants them to feel pain because they “caused” me pain. I sometimes even perceive the other as trying to hurt me, and although sometimes that can be the case, it most often isn’t.
I am also aware that in some of my interactions I am trying to prove that I don’t need anyone, that I don’t really care. Opening up and letting someone know I am hurting can feel too vulnerable. Regardless of the fact that when I witness others in their vulnerability, all I see is their strength, I often find myself with the point of view that being vulnerable is being weak. As time goes on, I am quicker to notice when I get stuck in this erroneous view.
My intentions are to allow myself to be more fully seen by those around me and accept that with that comes a vulnerability that I must navigate. I am slowly, less and less, seeing others as something to defend myself against. Others are just as human as I am and I can’t expect seamless relating from them, especially since I can’t offer it myself.
By opening more, I hope to create and sustain a more loving life for myself and those around me. No matter how uncomfortable vulnerability can be at times, a cold-hearted existence is much more uncomfortable.
Photo: Deyan Georgiev