I knew this time was coming, so, in the new year, I promised myself that I would be looking forward to being admitted to the hospital for a few weeks. I filled my calendar these last months, attempting more and more activities than I could reasonably integrate. I thought I would easily relax into nothingness once the opportunity came. But, my plan backfired. Days after being admitted I was still thinking about my “to do” list; my mind was cluttered with everything I should be or could be doing. [Read more…]
As I’ve acknowledged the value of relationships more and more over the years, I’ve found it difficult not to get attached to certain people or certain ideas of how they are supposed to be in my life. A reason for this, I think, is because I spent most of my life pushing people away, and since it hasn’t been that long since I started to let them in, it feels almost counter-intuitive to let them leave, or even ask them to get out. It’s been a matter of trying to find the right balance between keeping some people close and letting others go. It takes both a certain discretion and a tuning into the heart, but sometimes the two conflict, and there is not always a clear answer on what to do. [Read more…]
I have been in a phase of examining my interpersonal relationships these last weeks, considering which ones I’d like to nourish more and which ones I should let go. So, naturally, when I confirmed some plans to meet up with an ex-partner I got thinking about what my relationship with him should look like. We were friends for two years, then a couple for five. After a somewhat disharmonious parting, we didn’t really speak to each other for about a year. We had met twice over the last year, the first time to smooth things over and communicate the appreciation we have for each other, and then months later we caught up over a coffee when he was in town on business.
I found our last visit with each other very dry; I listened with eyes glazed over as he went on and on about what he had been doing since our previous meeting. Although the content of what he was saying was interesting, he wasn’t leaving space for me to engage. It was his typical way of relating; talking incessantly with no awareness that I had reached my capacity of what I could take in. [Read more…]