In the years that I was dealing with cancer, there were many things I couldn’t do on my own so I had to learn how to accept help from others. I wasn’t immediately willing though; about a year and a half after my diagnosis, when I was down to a mere 83 pounds, I couldn’t even get myself to the store to grab some food. Friends were leaving food on my doorstep, and I even found that hard to accept. I remember turning away lovingly made tomato soup because I decided the day before I was going to cut nightshades out of my diet. Looking back it seems silly, but it wasn’t really about the type of foods I was receiving…. I just had trouble receiving.

Many people wanted to help, and I had to constantly remind myself that it was ok to allow them. It took a long time until I became comfortable with receiving help. It was a gradual process, that with practice became easier – eventually, I even managed to start asking for help, despite the discomfort that it aroused in myself. Like, I said though, it wasn’t quick or easy –  there were blockages to receiving that I had to overcome. Different blocks would appear at different times and with different people, but I don’t think there was ever just one reason for my resistance to receiving. [Read more…]