Stop holding yourself together
your restricted and tethered
to your own ideas
of what should be
Stop hiding your cracks
pretending your intact
you won’t allow in
what could be [Read more…]
Moving Through Life
I’ve been anxious since I left the hospital two months ago; waking up most mornings with my heart racing for no particular reason. When I wake, thoughts about what I should do with my day run through my mind. Should I just relax, breathe, and enjoy the summer now that the big treatment is over? Or, should I use my increasing energy to start setting things in motion towards the future I want for myself.
I’ve found myself unable to embrace either option; feeling paralyzed by this unknown state. Was there going to be a future for me? Could I finally move the bookmark out of the illness chapter of my life? As I waited to go in for the PET scan and then waited for the results, I felt very positive about the outcome, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. There was a great fear that reality would not align with my feelings. [Read more…]
Being in the Unknown
I’ve been feeling down on myself this last week as I’ve been thinking about everything that seems to be missing from my life. The things I want for myself that are not in place yet. The things I want to do but am not yet able. I’ve been having difficulty making decisions for the coming months because I don’t know where I will be or how I will be. I don’t want to look back one day and feel like I missed out on the things I have decided to say “no” to, but I also don’t want to pursue situations that I can’t be fully present for or jump into something just because it is something. [Read more…]