I’ve been anxious since I left the hospital two months ago; waking up most mornings with my heart racing for no particular reason. When I wake, thoughts about what I should do with my day run through my mind. Should I just relax, breathe, and enjoy the summer now that the big treatment is over? Or, should I use my increasing energy to start setting things in motion towards the future I want for myself.

I’ve found myself unable to embrace either option; feeling paralyzed by this unknown state. Was there going to be a future for me? Could I finally move the bookmark out of the illness chapter of my life? As I waited to go in for the PET scan and then waited for the results, I felt very positive about the outcome, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. There was a great fear that reality would not align with my feelings. [Read more…]